


The Summer Moon Sees Everything

by A_Minyard



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 08:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11271834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Minyard/pseuds/A_Minyard
Summary: Jean is having a hard time adjusting at USC, and Jeremy wants to help.





	The Summer Moon Sees Everything

**Author's Note:**

  * For [come_on_eileen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/come_on_eileen/gifts).



> Some angsty JereJean for my friend. Happy birthday!

The too bright light had shocked Jean awake in an instant. Riko’s voice sneered in his ear, malicious murmurs and a bruising grip dragging him from under the covers. Except that it wasn’t a flashlight in his eyes, and it wasn’t his dark room in Evermore. It was his and Jeremy’s messy dorm room.

Jeremy had been breathing deep and slow in the bunk above him. Jean’s bed faced the window and the full summer moon had drifted through the open blinds to flood everything in blue light. Jean hadn’t had a window in his room since he was a kid. If he went out into the hall and down into the street, no one would stop him.

So he was on the floor of the bathroom with the light shut off because the dark, cool room was more like the Nest, where it wasn’t too wide and bright. The rattle of the pill bottle in his shaking grip was a promise. He had options. That much was a mockery of his current state. The moon said there was an outside world he could explore alone if he wished, except that Ravens weren’t supposed to go anywhere alone and he wasn’t a Raven anymore. The months alone in Abby’s house hadn’t made that any easier.

Maybe he was daring Jeremy to come and get him. If he had been in the Nest, he wouldn’t have gotten this far before someone would know he was missing. If he was in the Nest, and Riko found him like this, Riko would have already had Jean’s head stuck under the running bath faucet or up against the wall. When he was done, he would have made Jean say thank you, for pulling him back from death just in time. He would have been punished for wanting to control something for once in his miserable life.

“Jean?” Sure enough, there was Jeremy flicking on the florescent lights and rubbing sleep from his eyes.

If he had learned anything from Riko it was that there was a weapon everywhere if you knew to look. There was a razor he could take apart, but he would have felt Riko with every slice of flesh. He didn’t want to bloody the soft blue shirt Jeremy had picked out for him, either. _I like this shade. It goes with your eyes._

“What were you doing in the dark?”

He could go to the roof and jump off, but that would be Riko, too, because when he jumped he would feel Riko’s hands on his back pushing Jean down stairwells.

“...Jean?”

And there was Riko’s voice in his ear still. _You’ll always be mine. You’ll never be free._ Dead men weren’t supposed to speak but Riko was doing it all the time.

“Damn it, Jean, look at me.”

Jean couldn’t disobey a direct order from his new captain. Jeremy’s wide brown eyes were in front of him, Jeremy’s hands bruising Jean’s arms in a vice grip. That pain was familiar. Jean looked at the face that had made Kevin grin every time they met, like a sunflower that finally saw the sun. How could this sunshiney boy possibly understand? When he looked at Jean, what did he see?

“Talk to me,” Jeremy said.

Jean still had the bottle in his hands. He wasn’t going to hide it. Jean had rarely been granted pain relievers. It would be fitting to finally take the pain away on his own terms.

“What do you want me to say?” he snarled at Jeremy’s worried frown. All summer Jean had wanted to see that grin crack. It couldn’t be real. No one was that nice and happy. Eventually he would snap and Jean would finally see his real nature.

Jeremy didn’t snap back but he wasn’t letting go, either. Jean didn’t know what this look was, but he didn’t trust it. In his dreams, Jeremy had grinned at Jean while following Riko’s instructions, that sunshiney face just as bright covered in Jean’s blood.

“Let go of me.” Jean shoved Jeremy’s hands away, expecting Jeremy to push back, but he let go. Jeremy sat next to Jean almost close enough to touch, close enough that Jean could still feel Jeremy’s body heat.

Jeremy’s voice gave no hint of anger. “I wish you would have woken me up.”

“What for?” Jean huffed. He saw from the corner of his eye that Jeremy was eyeing the pill bottle.

“For someone who struggles with being alone, you sure are intent on keeping your burdens to yourself.”

Jean wished Jeremy would just lose it already. He was tired of waiting. He had been waiting all summer and it was killing him. He didn’t know how to feel. He didn’t know that he felt anything at all. Pain was a motivator. It kept him grounded when he didn’t want to be, but now he didn’t have even that.

When Jeremy spoke, this time his voice was strained as if calling out to Jean across rooftops instead of right next to him. “I don’t know what happened to you at the Nest, Jean, but I do know one thing. It has to be your choice to stay. I can reach out to you until my arm falls off, but you have to take my hand.”

Jeremy stretched his hand palm up in front of Jean. He thought Jeremy wanted him to take it, or hand over the pill bottle, until Jean saw his wrist. Jean had never seen it before. On the court Jeremy had on long gloves, and Jean didn’t make a habit of staring at people’s hands. There was a long, thin scar up his forearm. Jean looked to Jeremy but he didn’t look ashamed or afraid to show Jean this. Such a display of vulnerability threw Jean so off kilter the whole room shifted.

“When did that happen?” Jean asked. He still couldn’t read Jeremy’s expression.

“Does it matter?”

Jeremy hadn’t withdrawn his arm, so Jean reached out and dragged his thumb across it. The scar was slightly raised, just barely there, but unmistakably etched into the otherwise smooth skin, hot and slick with night sweat.

It didn’t add up. Was Jeremy’s happiness an act after all? Jean needed to know. Something inside of him was hoping this wasn’t an act, wanted to hear Jeremy tell him how Jeremy was okay now. Jean stuffed whatever it was far down because that kind of thinking was dangerous, but he still said, “Yes.”

Jeremy said, “Tell me why it matters.”

Jean didn’t understand until he realized Jeremy was asking for a trade, honesty for honesty. That was new. Jean was only used to having things taken. It was dangerous to be this vulnerable, but this didn’t seem like an act. Jeremy’s pulse was strong and steady under Jean’s fingertips.

Jeremy wanted Jean to know why it mattered, but he couldn’t voice his thoughts, or that lingering, persistent hope, so he said it a different way. “Because a ball of sunshine shouldn’t have that scar.”

Jeremy nodded. “It was awhile ago. I’ll tell you why I did it, though. I had thought I wanted to die, but I really wanted control.”

This was too much, too close. He was falling and didn’t trust anyone to catch him. There hadn’t been anyone to trust in years.

“I would miss you,” Jeremy said.

Why should he? Jean was nothing _nothing_ **_nothing_**.

Jeremy stretched his palm wider and this time Jean caught it in his own and held tight. His pulse bumped against Jean’s, flesh to flesh. It had been so long since someone had touched him like this, he’d forgotten what it felt like when you wanted someone next to you.

Jean had gone up against the Trojans several times and USC always lost because they weren’t willing to do what the Ravens would, and that was a weakness. Now, Jean saw something different in Jeremy. His vulnerability should have been weakness but it radiated from him like strength. In Jeremy’s face he saw the same resolve Jean saw in the mirror. _This is how it is. I can’t flinch from it. I refuse to. I will meet it head on._

There was too much between them for words to convey. Jean wanted to shove Jeremy away. He wanted to shove Jeremy into familiar territory, force him to fight back, force something, anything but what was being laid bare and open like a cavern. Jean was falling and he couldn’t breathe but Jeremy was reaching out to hold him close. Jean let Jeremy take his weight, let Jeremy hold him still while he was falling apart. Jeremy was warm against him. They breathed together, one heartbeat after another.

Jean dropped the pill bottle from his other hand. Jeremy was offering a promise. _Jean could be okay, too._ He didn’t think he believed Jeremy, but he wanted to. Maybe that was enough for now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! You can find me on tumblr at followmedown-tohell if you want to share in the foxhole feels :)


End file.
